Mr. Netflix & no Chill

datingThis is like the best thing when online dating. As sad as that sounds it’s still the best thing EVER! A NEW MESSAGE! There are so many things that can happen when you get a new message. He could look like a FOOT and you get a good laugh because you’re thinking, “not in this lifetime dude.” He could be overly good looking and now you’re thinking,” I wonder who’s behind that computer screen?” CATFISH OR NAH? and then you get a message from a normal looking guy. The occasional shirtless photo or 2 , but who am I to judge?

Normal looking guys conversations always start the same way, not saying its bad but you can tell a lot about a guy by his opening line. Is it funny? Is it gross? Is it way too honest? Or it just the plain ol’ “hey” or when they’re feeling fancy “hey whats up?”. Well, this  conversation started with a “hey what’s up?”.

After getting through the awkward introductions, I was asked: “what are you looking for?”.  As weird as this sounds, I love being asked this question because I have perfected my answer. My answer isn’t way too honest like, “I’m looking for a relationship” but it’s also not too vague like “I just want to have fun.” I’ve learned when you’re not completely honest about your expectations things get all screwed up and HONEY NOBODY HAS TIME FOR THAT!

“I’m looking for a fun person to do fun shit with and everything else will fall into place if it’s supposed to.”

Reading his response to that, I just knew the conversation was going straight to hell from there.  spongebob

Like I just told you I basically want a partner in crime to do fun stuff and all you heard was that you weren’t going to get any ass??? Man what?

And this is when things went from bad to worse…

So I was done with the conversation cause I already knew me and this guy were not on the same wave length, cool, on to the next one. I get another message…

“Dutch?”

Now, I’m not stupid I absolutely know what it means to go dutch but just like I had told him, I had never been asked this over messaging. To make matters worse we haven’t even established that we were going anywhere. I didn’t ask you out and you didn’t ask me out but you want to establish now on this hypothetical adventure that I am aware that I need to pay for myself. WHO FUCKIN’ RAISED YOU?!!?!?

I have no problem paying my way. I pay for everything else that I do in my life. The majority of the fun stuff that I do if it’s not with my girlfriends or my cousin I do by myself, and money has never been an issue. What I want is the companionship. But in his mind, all he saw was a ” Female [who] feels entitled to free dates and shit these days.”

The messages that followed, I CANT MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!

issamessage

It’s funny cause the last message he sent after that was “I WILL”, like a child throwing a tantrum for being called out for their BS. No one is asking men to spend Ruth Chris money on a date when they have an Applebee’s income. Courting a woman is so simple and a real woman is not worried about the price you paid but the time you spent to make the date memorable. I’ve had more fun on dates at the park on the swings than I have at a nice restaurant.

And contrary to belief NETFLIX AND CHILL IS NOT A DATE! IT WILL NEVER BE A DATE!! STOP TRYING TO NORMALIZE NETFLIX AND CHILL!!!….Netflix n Chill is something you do with Bae. Netflix n chill is something you do when you just want casual sex. Netflix n Chill doesn’ build relationships, Netflix n Chill is how situationships start. Netflix n Chill is how you end up with Chill-dren!! So y’all really need to chill with offering NETFLIX N CHILL as a “first date” option.

If you’re on dating sites looking for ass, that’s great for you. But if the other person shows no interest in throwing that ass in a circle then bow out gracefully and you won’t get your feelings hurt.

 

” Don’t ruin the sanctity of Netflix with your penis! ” -Unpop Proverb

 

 

 

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